Somehow I feel like I am not the person to talk about bodycounts with…
By Baba Mboga.
I mean considering I’m your average nerd and do not have a 150 body count
If all goes well and I don’t run into a cold induced writing slump,
Remind me to do a Part 2 to this series…
Here’s my Instagram
Oh… and my Mpesa number.
Oh seven twelve,
Ed doesn’t read these and I thought I could try and omoka on the side.
Si you know how these things be like.
? Nione mtu amemscreeshotia kule gram.
Anyhu what can I say?
I’m a mischievous modasoka sometimes okay?
But at least I’m not lying about 148 people.
? Let’s be fair to your future men out here abeg.
BODYCOUNTS WITH NEL.
So one day I’m talking to my friend Nel.
Typical geeky dude that actually thinks backward caps are a thing and that he’s tall.
No love lost though,
So we start having this conversation.
He says… “Myguy, sa nikuulize;
Ukawai jua dem yako alikuwa mali ya umma unaeza do? Mind you mshasonga na relationship nini nini…”
I mean, I already have the answer at the back of my head.
Which alot of women might not get but hey,
I’m a guy,
It’s a guy thing. Keep reading for insight to the male psyche.
The rest si tuonane hapa nje kidogo?
Where were we?
So… girls with high bodycounts kinda fall down the food chain in the male kindgom.
Kinda think of it as a really rich and powerful man with a little ummmmh…
How do I say this?
Toondaloonda? Idk man.
But you get the point.
It’s a thing with men.
BODYCOUNTS AND HITLER?
There’s always this one fear that you’ll be with the squad and his girl came up doing rounds and gawaing to the guys.
Think of it like him being a Nazi
Her being Hitler
and the rest of the world like the USA.
I mean Hitler made Germany one of the most Xenophobic country in the world at the time..
Xenophobic…is that the word?
Vanguardian kuja usaidie hapa.
The US hated Germany for the Holocaust.
The might’ve hated Hitler, but the man, the Nazi in this case is shunned by association.
Are we Togeza?
Also… it also helps to know that Hitler had a high body count too?
In his weird dark way?
Long story short…
When a lady has a body count in the double digit category,
Men tend to avoid her.
I mean no one ever wants to be associated with the girl that bedded every Tom, Dick (pun lowkey intended) and Harry.
Easy come, easy go?
No man wants to always look over his shoulder as far as his woman is concerned.
So a sexually adventurous woman is a no go zone for most men.
Sure he might want to sleep with her,
But again it’s just that.
He doesn’t see her as a woman he can settle with.
Nitakuwa natoka kwa nyumba and get insecure that kijana wa makaa is sampling my goods?
Si you stop throwing yourselves around like bouncy balls?
STDs are real na mababa za watu wanapelekwa chain chain.
Watch weird consipracy theories.
Start a business juu people are slighly recovering from the epidemic.
Your competitors are probably on their knees as we speak.
What do I know?
I’m just a blogger with a weird sense of humor.
Also, here’s my bodycount for those who asked;
8 ÷ 2(2 + 2) = ?
Could be 16,
Could be 1 depending on how you work it out.
But who knows for sure?
In the end,
If no STDs are involved,
It’s just a number.
Does it really matter?