Lets talk about long-distance relationships. Have you ever been in one and how was your experience?

That was the question posed by one Edgar Obare on his Instagram story. The responses were numerous and overwhelming.

Long-distance relationships (LDRs) used to be an anomaly, often happening later in an established couple. One member would have to move for studies, work, or military service, and the relationship had to adapt to this change. But nowadays, we can fall in love at a distance too. Because with the internet, it’s easier than ever to establish relationships, romantic or otherwise, even before seeing the other person “in real life,”.

Certainly, most people can admit to having met on social media platforms and dating sites. We may not always meet someone from our locality and that brings in the idea of a long-distance relationship if both parties are willing.

Long-distance relationships like other relations are subject to working or not. They grow change and evolve. And sometimes they crash!

Some of the responses were as follows:

Long-distance relationships experiences

If there’s something that doesn’t work, it’s this one. Even with the manual that was used for NASA to go to the moon. I was in one and he ended up getting married and we continued talking like normal…never again!

Turns out the man got married and went on with the relationship and the girl found out about it after severe stalking and a thorough research.

The one that lacked intimacy

It never works and obvious reason is due to lack of sexual intercourse as much as people will say that this is not a fact, in a relationship its never about conversation, money, looks, or any other thing. what makes two people bond together more is the sex.

The one with trust

Hey Edgar, I’m in a long-distance relationship for the very first time. We have dated for a year now and everything is quite okay. I have no trust issues with him since he is so honest, ama ni kujua kucheza kadi take vizuri? Im so in love with him and I want to marry him so bad. People in long-distance relationships should know that communication is key.

The perfect one

Yes it worked for me, we started dating back in 2017 June and now we are married. He is in the USA mend me in Kenya. The main thing is we love and trust each other, we communicate every day on video calls and direct calls.

The cheater

lol, I tried long distance and let me tell you Edgar afadhali ningecheat. the man was continuously cheating on me and the chick used to post. When I asked him about it he asked for a breakup.

The insecure one

I have been in one for almost three years now, it hasn’t been easy to be true. He is so insecure to the extent of controlling all my social media accounts. and not long ago I caught him trying to hack my WhatsApp.

These are probably way more samples than needed. But if you are keen enough you have picked a few things.

Particular challenges of Long distance relationships

Obviously, all romantic relationships have challenges. But there are some challenges that are particular to the distance between the members geographically.

Such challenges include:

Financial constraintsFinancial strain is an obvious factor that every person in a long-distance relationship has experienced. Whether it’s the high fuel costs of driving hundreds of miles, or the time and financial commitment to frequent airplane travel. Couples on LDRs always need to budget for travel costs just as they would other costs like a mortgage, food, and clothing.

Negotiating boundariesPeople in long-distance relationships can develop jealousy towards their partner’s local friends, often complaining that they spend “too much time” with them. There is also the risk of your partner developing an intimate relationship or falling in love with someone else while you are away.

High expectations of face to face meetupsin LDRs, the expectations¬†that face-to-face meetings will be magical, full of amazing sex, and romantic often hit the wall of, well, how life actually works. And those high expectations can often make partners disappointed and resentful that the time they spent together was not “like what they imagined”.

Those are just but a few of the challenges that LDRs face. But as we saw from a couple of the responses, those relationships do work sometimes. But how?

My take on long-distance relationships

Knowing that LDRs work pretty much the same as geographically close relationships, treat them the same way, and you should be able to make it work.

So communicate often, make your expectations and needs clear, strive for intimacy¬†and trust, and be trustworthy. It is important to keep your promises and maintain your commitments. If you plan on speaking on the phone once a day, for example, consider this an essential part of maintaining your relationship. It is not optional or “only when you have time”. Be intentional about the relationship and you will see it work!

What are your thoughts on the same?

By Wanjiru Mbaru.

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