LETS TALK CHEATING…

I really don’t know how to write about cheating,

But fuck it! (pun intended)

Let’s just wing it to the end.

So because your local celebrities have refused to misbehave… (save for the occasional Cebbie)

I have a little bit of a pickle in the article writing

You see?

So I was just you know

Making my way downtown

Walking past

Faces pass and I’m homebound?

…yeahh

Not the best way to start a blog I’ll admit

But let me get to the damn point before you probably go read some other summarised form of tea from another site.

I mean, don’t you think the joy of gossip is in the banter?

The unneccesary words and the suspense?

I love me some good suspense…

Like how you know here that I’m going to talk about cheating but the drag before that is ummh lemme see…

One.. two,

A hundred and forty seven words long?

I just want to make your Wednesday

Co-operate.

Today isn’t about celebrities.

Let’s talk about cheating?

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
-Bill Clinton

I mean

Cheating has pretty much been existent since monogamy…

I mean save for Adam and Eve or whoever forefather you believe in.

Because…

Imagine how frustrating it would be if you were the only two humans on earth.

Bet you never thought about how boring that would seem huh…

Back to the point.

What is cheating?

You know,

We haven’t really addressed what makes someone a cheater.

Is it an Instagram like?

Perhaps a DM?

Maybe buying gifts, kutuma fare or actually tossing the sheets?

Is it even a single thing?

Or is it a process…

“The cheating process is too long to be called a mistake.”
-Nyashinski

I really don’t want to be like any Google blog out there.

Oooh sijui “873590349608 signs he’s cheating”

I like my blogs “local”

Authentic.

And that’s why I wont answer any questions.

I’ll just whole blog this from a point of perspective.

Let’s see the world through both genders eyes.

The man

I just had the worst day at work.

Sales are down and my boss has really been on my ass the whole week.

Lakini hey,

I got a girl back home

And that little dude that just called me papa a week ago.

I mean I try to hold him a few times but analia so I give him back to the mum…

Yeah… the mother to my children.

It’s really surprising how I call her that these days and not my wife.

I mean it’s not that big of a deal anyway.

But she kinda changed after we had kids.

She’s changed ALOT.

Physically and in the way she acts.

I mean she gained a lot after her pregnancy.

I even mentioned it to her this one time…

Si communication ni muhimu kwa relationship au?

In short.

She’s just not the same girl I met those 3 years ago.

Back when she rocked those really good weaves and the really tight jeans.

Kwanza I remember this ninja Marto checking her out and saying in my head.

“May the best man win.”

I might have won but meh…

It’s boring now that there’s nothing on the line anymore.

Going back home to the same face everyday…

Alafu jana ameshinda tu kwa nyumba na Tshirt oversized ya promotion na stocking kwa nywele.

Womans isn’t even trying anymore.

Kazi ni kuniitisha tu pesa ya nywele na nguo ni kama haoni Corona imeaffect biashara.

Alafu ile kelele amenipigia jana juu nilikataa kushika mtoto akipika.

Kwani haelewi I’m tired from work pia yeye?

And that’s also a woman’s job

Kwani what else does she do huku nikiwa job?

Kupika na kuosha tu?

Si I do my part by providing for this family?

She even had the audacity to pretend to be asleep when I tried to touch her after we just went to bed.

And tomorrow is the only day I have off work.

Wanawake huwanga na madharau siku hizi,

SI eti anakaa poa hivyo hata

Ataendelea kuringa hivyo and Sharon from marketing just winked at me leo.

I like how she rocks that red matte lipstick.

Huddah cosmetics?

I even got her number and after work I took her to Mojo’s for some shots before nirudi home.

I think she might’ve given me a hug when I paid her Uber home.

Kwanza hii status yake leo imeweza

Ati caption inasema lockdown imemkimbiza

Ebu lemme slide in those DMs…

Bora nipunguze brightness huyu nanii asione

The woman.

Lakini how stupid does this man think I am?

The lights are off and he thinks I can’t see his phone if he reduces the brightness.

He even forgot the other pillow he bought me when I was pregnant

The pillow that I’m using right now to prop up my head and see who he’s texting.

Sharon tena?

Is that whose liptick I saw on the shoulder of his tshirt today?

I don’t get why he doesn’t look at me the same way anymore these days?

I do everything.

Napika, nafua, nakaa na mtoto.

I try to be the best wife to him.

Doesn’t he love me anymore?

Ama shida ni mimi?

Probably.

Kwanza when he told me about my weight gain

Ye haoni all I’ve been through the past few months with the pregnancy and taking care of the kid.

I even started dancing with Chiki in the morning when he leaves for work to drop a few kilos.

Yaani this is the man that I quit my job for?

The man that promised me that he’d be there for me in sickness and health?

I’ve tried everything.

With the little money he gives me I’ve bought facemasks,

Hata sina ya kwenda salon nikiwa hapa.

Lakini surely,

Is this the man that made me argue with my siblings back when I just met him?

I have literally given up everything to make this man happy.

Quitting a good paying job to stay home and take care of the kids.

Although I wanted to get a house help, my mum told me nitaibiwa bwana.

Also that it’s not womanlike to have another woman raise my child.

Niliona tu huyu out of all those other men?

Ebu hata look at his friend Marto.

Guy works out, has no baby mama drama and is making good money these days.

Hata si he texted me the other day?

Alafu I’m still out here ignoring him for this mjhvzsjbikzbsdfkhfvb!

Ona sasa hata kimeanza kusnore

To think that I wanted to get that juju juice Vera Sidika was advertising to keep this sack of shit!

Boy!

Bye.

Lemme go instarape Marto hata.

Hope he gets the message.

It’s about time a woman came in this house.

Not flopping around in bed like this walrus over here.

Nione akijaribu kuniguza tena.

Here’s a couple of facts…

Probably the most boring part of the blog.

I’ll try to make it as short as possible

I know that from science that we aren’t really meant to be monogamous.

 “Monogamy is invented for order and investment – but not necessarily because it’s ‘natural.'”
-Livescience

Society has already shaped our minds into getting born,

Preparing to get a sustainable means of income when we’re older,

Getting that income,

Get a mate and care for a child with and the cycle continues.

From the Judaic era till only recently,

Men have always been seen to be the voice of reason because for the longest time owing to the fact that survival in the past involved having physical strength for protection hunting etc.

They would be allowed to have several women because of this

The idea of monogamy was only in Greece and Rome and only spread based on the romanticism mindset that came up with philosophers and literature authors in the 1800s.

Here’s a short video explaining the concept.

Monogamy has also been reinforced as a way of living in recent days based on the fact that it’s easier to raise a kid as a pair than alone.

What I think based on these facts…

Men,

If you know you’re just going to get bored over somebody and wind up taking them for granted,

Why would you get yourself wrapped up in all that to begin with?

Women,

Don’t pull the “I only have sex in relationships” card.

Men lie.

No cap.

They will tell you what you want to hear and proceed to play your dumbass with someone way below your level.

There’s always that thrill that comes with meeting someone new.

And that’s why for marriages to last you’ve heard something like “keep it fresh, new captivating blah blah.”

To both genders.

A relationship isn’t a life achievement

It’s a journey,

A partnership.

You don’t stop trying to look good because you get someone that will always be there regardless of how you look.

Utawachwo… hayaaye.

I personally don’t believe in relationships as much anymore

And I’m honest with myself.

If you wanna hook up,

Casual agreements is the way to go.

Just remind yourself to stay in check before feelings come up.

The only way to end cheating is to stop shaming promiscuity as a society.

That way, people don’t lie to get laid and constantly cheat till they die.

But how is my opinion right?

What do I know about cheating?

All men are dogs,

Right?

Wrap it up,

Fornicate,

Hydrate

Live your life,

And hit this link to find my Instagram while you’re at it…

Bye!

I’m Baba Mboga by the way…